Scene Ten - Not all Goblins are Green

It was a cold evening and all the travellers were huddling in their furs as they sat around the fire. There was the normal motley crew that could be found at a wayside camping spot, near to a crossroads, with trees and shelter nearby, with wood for a fire and good game in the area for dinner. There was a merchant of some description, a little portly and unused to roughing it by the side of the road - clearly wishing that the weather had been more clement allowing him to reach the next village before dark. But the night had closed quickly, and he had felt it more prudent to join the travellers in their open campfire - rather than chance the path in the dark - even with his two sell-swords to protect him. After all - some sell-swords are only as good as the flow of money, and the prospect of gaining an entire purse can be tempting on occasion..

So the merchant was doing his best to get comfortable on the tree stump that barely supported his buttocks... His sell-swords had conducted a quick circuit of the camp and were now sitting sharing some caustic spirit from a bottle.

A cleric of some type was sitting quietly - with his head leaning into a tome that he could hardly read by the flicker of the fire... One gained the impression that he was listening and watching without moving his eyes - it seemed unlikely that he was really deciphering the words before him..

Four or five other travellers were trying to dry their clothes against the fire that was burning and occasionally turning the small spits on which a selection of rabbit, squirrel, and some unidentifiable small mammals were hanging...  At least the rain had stopped for a while..

Vollsanger also crouched by the fire. His wraps were relatively dry, his thick fur outer garments having kept much of the rain from his inner tabard and trews... His Lute was carefully wrapped in well oiled leather and would be fine for the night..  He reached out to turn his meat - and pulled from his pack some wild cabbage that he had gathered from a field on the journey out...

"What's that you got?" asked one of the sell-swords pointing at the cabbage....
"Wild Cabbage - it is good for the teeth and helps the digestion" answered the Bard without really looking at him..
"Rubbish Greens!! " was the retort..   
"Nothing wrong with Green" said the Bard without implying any offence in his tones..
"Green is rubbish - only good for Goblins!!" came the retort..

"Ahh - interesting that" said the Bard .. "Not all Goblins are Green"
"Course they are" came the response from the group around the fire ... each brightening as they realised that a tale was forthcoming from the enigmatic Bard they had only just met - but who had a reputation that spread across the whole land....

"I could tell you of the tale of Fitta'n Elfie" sighed the Bard as he settled himself down .....  and then proceeded to fill his drinking horn from a flagon that miraculously appeared from under his cloaks ...

A long pause...  Some feared that the old man had drifted off to sleep ... and then he told a story .. and I shall repeat it to you - even as I heard him tell it...

The Tale of Fitta'n Elfie..

It is a sad story to tell. Young Fitta'n Elfey did not really know his background. He was unaware of the start to his sad upbringing. He was from quite a proud family and that was part of his downfall. His mother, Fitt t'Bust was always a popular lass as a youngster. She was outstanding in her field, and was well noted by the lads who chased after her. They loved the way Fitt t'Bust would carry on jiggling after she stopped, and would take all sorts of opportunities to drop items in her way so that she would bend over to pick them up, leaving plenty of flesh showing on her ample bosom. She was generally unaware of the ploys but enjoyed her popularity with a simple approach...  She was not really renowned for her intellect it must be said...  but for her profile!
But one of the most popular lads was a cousin, Fitt f'Nuthin. He was always hanging around her and complimenting her and dropping sweets and flowers, and generally courting in his own individual way. He also was not the brightest glowworm in the cloud, but he meant well and she grew to like him. And in the end, he asked her to marry him and she blushed bright green - as most Goblins do, and said an eager yes..

They say that they made a really charming couple as they strolled across the fairy ring stamping on the ants and bugglywigs and blowing raspberries from their backsides and making faces at the congregation - the way you are meant to at a Goblin Wedding - for the Fitt's were a very old Clan of Goblins from the darkwoods. 

Everything went very well for the couple, Fitt t'Bust bloomed and Fitt f'Nuthin was the proudest Goblin in the neck of the woods. A couple of other cousins came to help build them a house. There was Fitt f'Purpuss and Fitt f'Wurk and they built them a fine home while they went on a honeymoon arranged by Fitt f'Travul... A lovely honeymoon with mead and a place to stay on a Greenfield Site.

They even had a personal trainer to help them relax, Fitt'n Well made the whole honeymoon a pleasure, while the evenings found Fitt f'Nuthin becoming better acquainted with the finest attributes of his new wife...

Yes, they had an idyllic start to their life together. Now, no-one knows what went wrong. Whether there was a bit of jealousy from the other Goblins and some underhand magix, or whether it was a natural but unfortunate outcome... but all was well until they had a small baby goblin - their first!  They had looked forward to this moment and had made plans for the upbringing of their little offspring, but when Fitt f'Nuthin first saw the baby - he gasped and pointed accusingly at Fitt t'Bust.. for the baby was white - or rather a pinky colour and not a healthy Green One at all!!

Fitt t'Bust protested her innocence, and even the feeble brain of her husband had to agree that he had really not left her alone long enough for any other form of liaison !!  So they called a family member to help them out ..  Fitt z'Avidle the doctor came and examined the baby..  

"Definitely a Goblin" he pronounced after looking at the child.... "but the wrong colour!  Not a hint of Green here at all!! " He consulted his medical books and came up with no answers, but then decided to go and call on the wisest goblin of the Fitt Clan - who was a little pompous, but knew everything!!

When Fitt'n E'nosit examined the child he recalled that once back in the histories a similar thing had happened.. "What we have here" said the wise goblin, "is a case of  de-pig-mentation and could have been as a result of eating too much bacon  - but all the colour has gone!! You have an Albino Goblin"

Well!! What should they do!!  They were proud Goblins from a fine family and a fine clan. The Fitt's had ruled the darkwoods for such a long time that only the trees could remember - and many of them were senile!.  If they kept the child it could turn out to be an embarrassment like Fitt'n Nerdy who covered his whole body with brown cloth except for his pot belly sticking out and lay down and pretended to be an unripe acorn... totally unacceptable behaviour for the Goblin Rulers of the Darkwood..  His continued presence in the Darkwood would shame the whole family and clan.

It was decided that he could not stay in the Darkwood.. but unwilling to set him adrift in the big world with no idea of his heritage, they tied a bell around his neck, with the inscription "FITT'n" on it, and took the babe to a a place outside the Darkwoods.. there they found an elf couple who had never had any children of their own, and left the babe upon their doorstep ...

And so it was that the little child; he with the pointy ears and the bright red hair; he without a trace of Green about him; he with a little bell about his neck with the name "Fitt'n"; was loved and brought up by those elves as though he were their own elfling...

True, his mannerisms were often not those of a high elf. True his voice sounded a little course to the refined elven tongue. True, his red hair was a little shocking. True, they hid him in a box in the basement when guests came to visit. But he grew up in a family knowing that he was an "elf to be reckoned with" because his "parents" told him so. They taught him to be Elf Sufficient.. to stand up for Hims Elf .. and to seek his own Elf and Happiness...

And so, when he grew to age - Fitta'n Elfie made his way into the world ...  but he never knew why he was so attracted to the colour Green - and anything that turned out to be a Green One!!   And in fairness - no-one ever told him ...

And that was the story of Fitta'n Elfie ...

Fitta'n Elfie

Vollsanger took a hearty swig from his battered horn and started munching upon the meat from his spit ...  a twinkle in his eye as he watched his fellow travellers around the fire...
He wondered who would be the next to tell a tale...